Joel Keys – Advice to a Young Loyalist

Hi, Joel.

Regarding your dilemma over whether or not to go to university, don’t worry about that or about your critics!

If you never go to university, but wade through the blood and guts of thousands of maimed and murdered citizens, you could still become Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland as mass murderer IRA Leader and Director of IRA Terrorism Martin McGuinness did.

You could still get a state funeral from the Catholic Church as cuddly chuckly Martin did while victims of his many atrocities – such as nearby Claudy – were still awaiting truth and reconciliation from him.

Mass murder and maiming are no obstacle to high office in Northern Ireland.

Gerry Adams was ‘nivver’ a member of a university – he’s been elected multiple times to partitionist parliaments north and south and has multiple pensions to prove it.

He was leader of Sinn Féin and the IRA for decades and ‘nivver’ set foot in a university.

He’ll be designated Irish Ambassador to the United States when Sinn Féin rise to government in the Republic of Ireland shortly.

Blowing off the pesky whiff of cordite, gelignite, summary executions, disappeared corpses and mass murder and bombings and whatnot, Gerry has still done well for himself without a university education.

Colum “the north” Eastwood went to England – among the Sassenachs! – seeking an education but flunked out of the University of Liverpool.

Colum The Dropout managed to knife university educated Dr. Alasdair McDonnell for the leadership of the SDLP – who needs an education to secure the public’s votes and lead a political party in Northern Ireland?

And the odd nod to the paramilitaries did Colum no harm either…

You could grow up to be like Gerry Kelly!

Bomb London unsuccessfully, get captured, get repatriated to Northern Ireland, shoot a prison officer though the head while escaping from gaol, get captured (once more) with cuddly Bik McFarlane in Amsterdam on top of a ton of weapons, ammo and gelly [in an ASU – Active Service Unit] obviously on a mission to murder Ambassadors and Brits – get a Royal Pardon and then negotiate OTR letters for your fellow terrorists from a willing British government…

And then end up on a Policing Board with oversight of the Chief Constable of the Police Service of Northern Ireland with whom you never even have to cooperate!

By the way, Joel, this is how you negotiate with the PSNI – grab them by the landrovers…

Look at unrepentant unapologetic Michelle O’Neill – from a rocky start and no university education to rise – unchallenged – to become Deputy Leader of Sinn Féin and later Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland pontificating to the people about responsibilities that needn’t even apply to her!

Not having a university education so that you don’t understand your responsibilities to the wider community is a definite plus in Northern Ireland…

One warning, Joel – while Catholic/Nationalist voters will vote in droves for unrepentant IRA murderers and bombers, it appears that Protestant Unionist Loyalists won’t vote in any droves for unrepentant UDA/UVD/UFF/RHC murderers and bombers – so you have to choose a side…

If you want to be a terrorist and get on in Northern Ireland, better kick with the left foot – that way you can even pick up a posse of churchmen (Protestant or Catholic) to praise you…

Finally, Northern Ireland is largely peopled by sanctimonious hypocrites, Joel – do your own thing!